Then the movie jumps ahead into … THE FUTURE! Well, 2004. All he knows is that he’s sad, and also fire hot and gun loud. Max doesn’t know that’s what was on her mind, though, because he’s dim. cop whose wife is murdered in 1994 just as she’s obviously about to tell him she’s pregnant. Whew! I’m exhausted, and I haven’t even started talking about the movie yet! “Timecop” stars Jean-Claude Van Damme, one of those oily mumblers whose central acting techniques are “punch” and “kick” and whose constant employment in the 1990s can only be attributed to a robust economy and the continued popularity of cocaine in Hollywood boardrooms.
You’re not allowed to commit murder, and if you do, the government might arrest you and murder you, because only the government is allowed to commit murder, and only as a punishment for committing murder. Turns out it’s actually about a meathead who travels through time to arrest other people who are traveling through time, because traveling through time is illegal unless you’re an authorized timecop - but even authorized timecops are only allowed to travel through time if it’s to arrest someone who’s doing it illegally (since “illegally” is the only way it can be done by non-timecops). Or at least that’s what I thought the movie was about. TIMECOP: Hey, you! Quit loitering there! You’re wasting time!ĬITIZEN: What are you, the “time police”?!ĬITIZEN: Oh. Jean-Claude Van Damme IS … Timecop! He’s the guy they send when you’re wasting time!
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